Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

Counting the Blessings

My mind is in a million places right now. I’m worried about the baby–even more worried than I was before the ultrasound which I didn’t think was possible. Now that I’ve seen our little one up on that screen, I want so badly for him or her to grow up to be big and strong and healthy. In order to keep my sanity, I’ve decided to make a list of the blessings:

  • We saw a heartbeat. Our child is living inside of me right now and has a beating heart. Hubby got a little upset with me last night because I was so busy worrying that I never really stopped to be amazed and grateful for that tiny beating miracle, and he was right. It was one of the coolest things I have ever seen.
  • Even if the baby is measuring behind my calculations, this pregnancy has lasted longer than any of my other ones.
  • There is still plenty of room for hope. Thank you for all of the encouraging stories. I did venture into Google only to find more stories of healthy babies who had a shaky start like ours. Yes, the statistics might be against us at this point and we usually fall on the negative side of those statistics when it comes to pregnancy, but there is hope. And I’m going to hold on to that hope for as long as I can.
  • I found out on Wednesday that I am being offered an assistantship to the grad school program I’m entering in the fall. This includes full tuition (even for summer classes), a sizable stipend ($8,500 the first year),  health insurance coverage, and some major resume-building experience. This is a huge answer to prayer and I am so excited about it. Maybe hubby was right. Maybe all of the good things will happen at once. It also makes me think that this pregnancy is going to work out because I’ve always said that we will get pregnant when it is least convenient and the baby is due the second day of spring semester which is pretty darn inconvenient.

So that’s all I’ve got. And it’s a lot. Yesterday, I started calling the baby “Tup” which is an abbreviation of our last name. I tried to think of a nickname earlier, but nothing seemed right until now. I think the problem was I felt no real connection and couldn’t call the baby by a name, but now that we’ve formally met, it just feels right.

The bottom line is I’m choosing to believe that Tup will be ok. I’m choosing faith, hope, and love.

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Hubby

I mentioned this briefly in Friday’s post, but I believe it deserves its own post. Hubby is doing much, much better. I am beyond grateful for all of your encouraging words, positive thoughts, and prayers for my husband. He is my absolute favorite person in the whole world, and it was killing me to watch him suffer. He still isn’t 100% (honestly, we don’t really know what his 100% will look like now), but he is able to sleep through the night and go to work. He is also able to eat fairly normally now (read: able to eat more that plain chicken and couscous). It is wonderful to be able to goof off with him, and I love that he is my playful husband again.

On a different but related note: Hubby is now officially on the volunteer list for the city fire department. This may not seem like a big deal, but it is. Right now hubby is part of a volunteer department, and he has been working very hard for the past year and a half to get all of his certifications so he can join a paid department and be a full-time firefighter. The first step to joining the city fire department is getting on the volunteer list, and they actually do all of their hiring directly from this list. So this is basically his chance to show them how much he has learned and how dedicated he is to being a firefighter (which I can tell you that he is pretty darn dedicated). We still don’t know how long it will be before they will hire some of the volunteers, but this is a big step in the right direction.

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Thank You

Happy Thanksgiving! I have so many things in my life to be thankful for, and one of them is all of you lovely bloggy friends :o) You all have helped me more than I can possibly tell you and I love this community so very much. I know this can be a hard time for those of us in the IF and loss community, but I hope and pray that each and every one of you ladies is showered with blessings today.

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