Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

The last of the October Writing Prompts

I had every intention of posting some writing prompts on Monday, but as you all saw, I was a little distraught on Monday. Also, I’m sending good vibes to Jenn because she hasn’t posted since Sandy hit, and I’m worried about her because I think she is wonderful. So here are the last of the prompts:

October 27: Girl or Boy? Given a choice, which would you choose as the sex of your first child?
I honestly do not have a preference. Whenever I start to lean towards one, I immediately think of all the great things about the other. I think I’ve posted before about how I have a hard time picking sides because I can see the positive (and negative) points on both sides, so that also applies here. I do think that I would like the chance to have both, though, if we have more than one. (Haha, look at me: can’t even have one baby and here I am talking about babies) Also, hubby and I decided a long time ago that we do not want to know the gender of our baby until the birth if I ever do get pregnant. That’s right, we are those people.

October 28: What is the meaning of life?
“Do all the good you can. By all the means you can. In all the ways you can. In all the places you can. At all the times you can. To all the people you can. As long as ever you can.” -John Wesley

October 29: Define what you consider cheating. Where do you draw that line?
I think this is different for every relationship. I’m going to have to agree with Stork Chaser–in our relationship, cheating is anything that you have to hide. If I feel like I have violated my husband’s trust in some way, or if I feel like I have to hide something from him, I would consider that cheating.

October 30: Find someone and tell them just how much they mean to you. It can be your spouse, a friend, your mom, a stranger, whoever. Just call tell/text/call/email them right now and tell them what they mean to you.
I do not let a day pass without letting hubby know how much he means to me. It is more important to me than I can say to tell him that I love him–even if we are fighting, even if we are apart, even if that is the only thing I get to say to him all day.
October 31: Post a picture of your Halloween costume. If you didn’t dress up, post a picture of how you spent the evening instead.
We are going to a party on Saturday, so I will try to remember to post a picture.

 

Well, I hope that this month full of writing prompts has taught you something about me, and you still want to be my friends :o) I feel like I just finished some huge accomplishment, and I deserve a cookie or something. Anyway, this is the first of two posts today. I have something that has been pretty heavy on my heart (besides hubby finally admitting how hard this journey has been for him), and I want to let you ladies know about it. But it definitely deserves its own post. So be on the lookout.

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Writing Prompts!

October 23: What are you most envious of?
Apart from the obvious answer about women who are fertile and grow babies like they are supposed to, I would have to say that I am often envious of people who are really organized. Sometimes (actually, a lot of times), I walk into other people’s houses and I instantly feel ashamed at the fact that their house is so much more tidy and organized than mine. Our house is usually a disaster. Seriously. Hubby and I are the messiest people I know. We aren’t dirty–I clean often, but we leave stuff everywhere and sometimes I forget what color the carpet is in our room because I haven’t seen it in so long. I think it’s funny because I’ve had multiple friends tell me how much they love coming to our house because it feels “lived in,” which is a nice way of pointing out how it is not immaculate like their houses. I feel a little embarrassed to admit this, and I feel like it is stupid for this to be the thing I’m envious of, but there it is.

October 24: What are you thankful/grateful for today?
I am thankful for playfulness. Last night, hubby and I did something we haven’t done in a long time: we wrestled. I know what you are thinking, and I swear this is not code for something kinky, hubby and I actually love to wrestle each other. Every once in awhile when we get into bed, one of us will pounce the other one, and we will wrestle and try to pin one another until:
1) One of us wins by pinning the the other’s shoulders down until the count of three
2) One of us is injured (it’s never anything serious, usually a pulled muscle)
3) We are both too exhausted to carry on and call a truce
One thing you have to realize is that hubby is 6’4″ 220lbs and I’m 5’3″ 130lbs, but I’m a whole lot stronger than I look so I hold my own fairly well and usually win as often as he does. I know it’s a weird thing to be thankful for, but I just love it when we play together. When we wrestle, there is a lot of laughter and stress relief and fun, and I am so, so thankful that I married my best friend who I get to be silly with and play with.

October 25: Post a picture of what you look like first thing in the morning side by side with a picture of you ready to start your day. I will try to remember to take a morning picture so that I can show you all this, but it’s honestly not that exciting. Don’t hate me, but the pictures would look almost identical apart from the fact that I will look very sleepy in one–mostly because I don’t wear any makeup and I have magically wonderful hair that pretty much always cooperates, even when I first wake up.

October 26: What is your favorite activity to do by yourself?
I work next to a river, and every day that the weather cooperates, I walk about a half a mile to my favorite spot by the river and sit during my hour-long lunch break. Many days I will take my Bible to read and do devotions, but sometimes I don’t take anything and just sit and stare out at the river. Sometimes I pray, sometimes I fall asleep (I set an alarm on my phone), sometimes I just sit and stare at the water, but it is the best part of my work day.

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Being Sickly, and Writing Prompts

Hello ladies! Sorry to be MIA for a few days–I really haven’t felt that great. I’ve been dealing with allergy/sinus gunk which leads to headaches, back tension, general miserableness. I actually stayed home from work yesterday because I had a migraine and felt achy. Today is, thankfully, better, but I still feel like I’m on the edge of being sick–like letting myself get a little dehydrated or something will push me over the edge into another migraine. Bleh. Oh well. Also, I’m a little freaked out because I’ve been spotting for a few days. The only time I can ever remember spotting midcycle, I was pregnant, and I’m fairly certain that is not the case this cycle because we have been actively preventing pregnancy. I know your cycles and stuff can be completely different once you have a pregnancy or miscarriage, but it’s weird to have my body behaving differently than it normally does. Any other RPLers out there that have had something like this happen? It would be nice to know I’m not the only one whose body does weird things after having a few mc’s, and to be honest, I just don’t have the emotional strength right now to Google it.

I was going to use this post to get completely caught up on the writing prompts, but I think I will answer three today and three tomorrow. You know, spread the love over two days:

 

October 20: Tell us a little something about your grandmother.
My grandmother was an amazing woman. She died when I was a senior in college, and I still miss her like crazy. She loved to cook and sew–one of my most prized possessions is a quilt she made for me when I started college. She always cried when we left her house after we visited. When I was younger, I thought it was silly and embarrassing, and when I was older I pretty much ignored it because I was so used to it. Now I miss it.

 
October 21: Are you satisfied with your sex life? Would you like more, less, or is it just right?
I would have to say that I’m pretty satisfied with the sex that we are having, but I wish we would have sex more. We always seem to be super busy, so are we are both exhausted all the time, which makes it hard to muster up the energy for a good tumble.

 
October 22: Favorite sexual position?
I feel like this is a good time to tell you ladies that I blush very easily. I don’t have a problem talking about sex or other taboo topics, but I will turn very red sometimes. I just thought you should know that I started blushing as I thought about what I should put down as my answer ;o) I’d have to say that I really enjoy being on top, because that is the position where it is the easiest for me to have a orgasm, but I really like it when hubby goes down on me, which he is usually eager to do because he knows I like it.

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October Writing Prompts Super Duper Catch up!

October 11: If you could change one thing about your personal appearance, what would it be and why?
I know this sounds a little shallow, but I would really like for my boobs to be bigger. I know that all of you well endowed ladies out there are shaking your heads at me right now, but I promise I don’t want ginormous boobs. In fact, I would just be happy to get my birth control boobs back because they shrank considerably after I quit taking it. Beyond that, I think it would be nice to be a little taller. Hubby is over a foot taller than me and sometimes I think it would be nice to be able to do stuff like dance cheek to cheek. Or not have to hem/roll up all of my pants when I wear them.

 

October 12: If you could change on thing about your personality, what would it be and why.
I think it would be nice to stop being such a perfectionist. I tend to put things off and never get anything done because it has to be perfect. It makes even simple things like cleaning the house or typing up blog posts difficult.

 

October 13: What is the one thing you like best about yourself?
Why is it so hard to say something nice about yourself? I like to think that I’m very encouraging to my husband and friends. I just care so much about people, and I love to celebrate with them and care for them when they are having difficulties. I guess that’s why I enjoy this community so much.

Physically, I love my hair. It is dirty blonde and straight as a board. I usually let it air dry and never use product in it beyond shampoo and conditioner, and it always looks nice. It’s perfect for me because I’m too lazy to do my hair every day.

 

October 14: What is the greatest compliment you ever received?
Growing up, my mother constantly told me how selfish I was. I remember having a bad day when I was a kid and asking my mom for a hug and she said no, that I didn’t actually want to hug her, that I only wanted a hug to make myself feel better. And people wonder why I’ve had issues with the idea of becoming a mother. Anyway, it was an extremely hurtful part of my childhood that I don’t think ever really left me, but I have grown and realized that I was not actually an extremely selfish child–I just had a mother who usually blamed me for wanting things that every child wants (like attention and affection from my parents). I’m telling you this so that my answer to this question will make more sense. When I was studying in Germany, I had people over to my apartment all the time. I loved to make dinner and share it with a friend. One day, I had a friend over and I was giving her some of my latest grocery store discoveries to try, and she told me that I was the most sharing person she had ever met. As someone who was told her entire life how selfish she is, that comment touched me in ways my friend will never know.

 

October 15: If you could go back in time, what decade would you choose to live in?
I am constantly told that I was born in the wrong time and I should have been this age during the 80’s. I think this is a reflection of my clothes, the music I listen to, etc. I sometimes think it would be cool to live in Victorian England, but when I actually think about it, that would probably not be so awesome. There is something to be said for women’s rights and indoor plumbing.

 

October 16: A little TMI? Share something you never thought you would ever post on the internet.
No idea what to write here–mostly because I want to write something really good, but I’m at a loss for something really juicy. I mean, this is a blog about TTC, miscarriages, and (hopefully one day) pregnancy, so there isn’t much that’s off limits here and I post some stuff that I consider TMI all the time. How about I just try to continue to be open and type things that are relevant to my posts even if they are a little mortifying?

 
October 17: How would you describe your personal style?
I’m not really sure how to answer this question. My favorite thing to wear would be jeans and a soft long-sleeved t-shirt, and I wear this as often as I can get away with it. In fact, that is what I am wearing right now because it is casual Friday. I own multiple pairs of high top Converses and Chacos. My shoe collection is pretty limited to those two things plus a few pairs of boots  (I actually wore a pair of white Converses with “Mrs. (insert married name here)” embroidered on them in our wedding). In the summer, I wear a lot of dresses and skirts because I hate shorts. I don’t like the way they look on me, and I don’t think they are comfortable. I get a lot of comments because I usually wear my skirts and dresses with my high top Converses which people either think is the cutest thing they’ve ever seen or tacky as hell. I’m pretty minimalist when it comes to accessories (although I am really starting to love scarves) and I almost never wear makeup. Also, I would say that at least 60% of my wardrobe is blue, which hubby likes to tease me about. I hope that paints a good picture for you!

 
October 18: Make an acrostic of your first name (or pseudonym) using each letter to describe yourself.
Dancing (I love to and I’m not very good at it)
Always worrying :o/
Nice
Intelligent
Encouraging
Loving
Little
Enthusiastic

 
October 19: What is your favorite quote?
Ooooo, I have a few:

(This on varies a little depending on the translation you read): “You are a thoroughly earnest and sincere man. This is your strength and your limitation. You are thoroughly earnest and sincere and you want all life to be earnest and sincere too, but it never is” -Anna Karenina

“I want to live my life so I’ll be able to read an in-depth biography about myself in later years and not puke” -Paris from Gilmore Girls

“You can never get a cup of tea large enough or a book long enough to suite me” -C.S. Lewis

 

Hopefully I’ll be better about keeping up with these the rest of the month, and I won’t have to post as ton of them at one time anymore!

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October 5: Favorite Book

October 5: What is your favorite book?

I mentioned many favorite books in this post, but I figured I would take this opportunity to go into a little bit of detail about my favs. I know most people aren’t into the classics, but I love to read classics. Anna Karenina is currently my bath book. Anyway, here are my two favorite books at the moment–I encourage you to give them a try.

A Tale of Two Cities

A Tale of Two Cities has been my favorite book for a long time. Charles Dickens just has a way with words and characterization that I find so beautiful. I once had a friend tell me that this is not actually my favorite book, that all English majors say that because it is supposed to be their favorite book, but that just isn’t true. I adore this book. It was one of the few that I took with me when I studied in Germany, and whenever I felt homesick or overwhelmed I would start reading it again–like a comfort blanket. I first read A Tale of Two Cities in 9th grade before I truly understood the different aspects of literature, so this book taught me important things like symbolism and foreshadowing. It helped refine my love for books into a love for literature, eventually leading to my degree in English Lit. It’s that good.

 

The Monk is not quite as well known as A Tale of Two Cities, but it is still a solid classic. This was the first book I read after graduating college and had the time and mental capacity to read whatever I wanted. Seriously. I starting acquiring a taste for classic Gothic Literature my senior year of college, and I had a professor who kept referring to this book, so I bought it as soon as I graduated. I had another professor affectionately refer to it as the classic literature equivalent of a slasher movie, and I’d have to agree. It’s full of some serious character development, crazy plot twists, and good ‘ole fashioned abuse of religious power, and it was such a page turner that I would stay up late into the night reading  it.

Are there any other lovers of the classics out there? Anyone? Beuller?

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October 2: Proposal

Continuing with Future Ford’s October writing prompts :o) This makes two in a row–I’m on a role!

October 2: How did you husband/spouse/partner propose?

I feel like this would be a good opportunity to tell all of you the story of how hubby and I started dating. When we met in June of 2005, I had just finished my junior year of high school and had just broken up with my boyfriend of a year and a half. I had made a promise to myself that I would not bother with another serious relationship until I went to college, that I was too young and needed to play the field and date a little. The relationship that I had just ended about 2 months before I met hubby was my only real boyfriend. I had dated a little before him, but nothing serious. So my experience with guys was very limited.

Hubby was the exact opposite. He had just graduated from high school, and I’m pretty sure he dated every girl in his county and some in surrounding counties. One time he went on three different dates in one day. That’s right, he took out three different girls on dates in one day. He didn’t see a reason to settle down into a relationship; he wanted to play the field until he found the right one. Needless to say, he developed a bit of a reputation, and he was definitely known as a smooth talker who got all the girls.

I met hubby at a summer camp where we were both counselors. The entire week we were at staff training, I was craving Bruster’s Ice Cream (a really yummy ice cream place in the area), and at the end of the week, I went around trying to get everyone together to go the Bruster’s over the weekend. No one was biting. Finally, hubby said, “I love Bruster’s ice cream!” so I gave him my number and told him to call me over the weekend so we could go together. Honestly, all I was thinking about was ice cream, and I would have given my number to anyone who volunteered to go with me. We ended up going out every weekend the rest of the summer, and I finally learned much later that he had never even heard of Bruster’s ice cream and only wanted to go out with me. So our entire relationship started with a lie.

I wanted to tell you about how hubby was a “smooth talker,” so that I can tell you about how he was an adorable bumbling fool when we were dating. He would constantly trip over his words and say really awkward things. The first time he told me he liked me went something like this: “When I first saw you, I, um, thought that, um, you know, um, if I were to date anyone at camp, um, you know, if I were to date anyone here, it, um, well, it would probably, most likely be you.” Romantic, right?

Apparently, hubby bought my ring months before he proposed and everyone knew about it but me. We had been dating for a year and a half (so I was a freshman in college) and were driving down to Texas to spend Christmas with my dad. Hubby was freaking out the entire drive down there, and I couldn’t figure out why. I was also freaking out, but I always freak out when I’m going to visit my dad because we don’t talk a lot so we don’t really know each other very well and it’s always really awkward when we are together. But I couldn’t figure out why hubby was so nervous because he was fine the only other time he met my dad. It turns out he was so nervous because he was going to ask my dad’s permission to propose to me. Once we were there, hubby spoke to my dad, and he immediately sat me down and proposed. He was a nervous wreck and I was really concerned about him and kept asking him if he was ok while he was proposing. There was no long, planned out proposal with a story that makes everyone’s heart melt, but I thought he was so adorable and I wouldn’t change it.

After that, we were engaged for three and a half years, and we got married on our five year anniversary. That was two and a half years ago, so I have been with this wonderful man for seven and a half years.

So now you know about hubby’s proposal and a little bit about how it all started :o)

By the way, when we were in premarital counseling, the pastor asked each of us “When did you know that you were going to marry this person?” I said six months into it, and hubby said the second date. About floored me.

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October 1: Aquarius

Photo found here

This month I’m going to do my best to participate in the October Writing Prompts from The Future Fords blog. Here’s the prompt for October 1: What is your astrological sign and do you feel it’s accurate?

To be completely honest, I’ve never really paid any attention to astrology, and apart from knowing that I’m an Aquarius , I know next to nothing about my astrological sign. I had to do a little research to even be able to write this post. Here are two of the websites that I consulted:

http://www.astrology-online.com/aquarius.htm

http://www.astrology-insight.com/aquarius.htm

I have to say that many of the statements on these sites are pretty accurate. Most of the things I read basically said that Aquarians are unpredictable and hard to understand (and prone to mood swings). They are humanitarians who are idealists and usually don’t accomplish much in the way of saving the world because their heads are up in the clouds. They  are accepting of all types of people and are angered by prejudices and pre-judgments. They are sensitive, fiercely independent, and often described as loners who often need to withdraw from the world. I also read that Aquarians can be prone to worry, and if you’ve kept up with this blog at all, you know that is definitely me.

Here are the two things that really caught my eye as describing me:

…strong willed and forceful in their different ways and have strong convictions, though as they seek truth above all things, they are usually honest enough to change their opinions, however firmly held, if evidence comes to light which persuades them that they have been mistaken. They have a breadth of vision that brings diverse factors into a while, and can see both sides of an argument without shilly-shallying as to which side to take. Consequently they are unprejudiced and tolerant of other points of view. This is because they can see the validity of the argument, even if they do not accept it themselves.

The bane of my existence in school was having to take a side on a topic and support it because I can always see both sides of an argument on controversial subjects. I could argue either one, and it was extremely difficult for me to choose because I felt morally obligated to show and argue for both sides. This does not just apply to school, either: trying to choose which presidential candidate I’m going to vote for causes me to loose sleep for the same reason. I guess this helps explain why I’m hopelessly indecisive.

[They do not make friends easily] They sometimes appear to condescend to others and take too little trouble to cultivate the acquaintance of people who do not particularly appeal to them. They do not give themselves easily – perhaps their judgement of human nature is too good for that – and are sometimes accounted cold. But once they decide that someone is worthy of their friendship or love, they can exert an almost hypnotic and irresistible mental attraction on them and will themselves become tenacious friends or lovers, ready to sacrifice everything for their partners and be faithful to them for life. However, they are sometimes disappointed emotionally because their own high personal ideals cause them to demand more of others than is reasonable. And if they are deceived their anger is terrible. If disillusioned, they do not forgive.

Yes. All of this. I have such a hard time making friends. Most people bug me, and if I don’t like them enough to commit myself to them and their friendship 100%, I don’t really bother. Once I do make friends, I am so committed to that friendship and try to do whatever I can to help that person and make our friendship flourish, but it usually ends badly because its so one-sided and I feel rejected. I know it isn’t logical, but that’s just the way I am and I like how this paragraph explains it.

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