Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

Kindness Friday Part II

A few weeks ago, I wrote a post about the lies I tell myself. It was good for me to not just acknowledge these thoughts, but to admit them to others and write them down. I don’t, however, believe that it will lead to healing unless I fully confront those thoughts and reveal them to be the lies that they are. That’s how Theresa and I came up with Kindness Friday. The idea is to write a post on Fridays where you are kind to yourself and maybe confront one of those lies and reveal the untruthfulness (yes, I’m making up words) of it.

This week I wanted to confront a lie that I didn’t mention in my previous post, but I have talked about it before on this blog, and I know other women struggle with it. It’s the idea that my husband would have been better off marrying someone else who could easily give him children. Trust me, I know how ridiculous it sounds, and I feel silly just writing it out, but it is a thought that has crossed my mind on more than one occasion. When thinking about how to counter this lie, I thought about making a list of all the ways I am a good wife to my husband, but I decided that was too much like trying to “prove” myself as a wife when the truth is that my husband loves me. I don’t have to earn that love with a list of wifely duties. I don’t have to earn it by birthing our children (although I do truly hope that I will). The truth is, my husband and I have a really good marriage. We take care of each other, and we get along better than any couple our age that I’ve met (I actually have friends that get annoyed with the fact that hubby and I never fight). He makes  my heart so happy, and I am thankful for him every. single. day. And I can tell by the way he looks at me, treats me, and speaks to me (and to others about me), that he feels the same way. We are soul mates, and we were incredibly blessed to find each other so early in life.

I am a good wife. I have an extraordinary marriage. My husband is just as blessed to have me as I am to have him, even if that is hard for me to believe.

Advertisements
4 Comments »

Kindness Friday

After my last post, Theresa from Journey to the Finish Line and I have decided that we need a kindness Friday. The idea is that every Friday you write a post where you are kind to yourself and fight against some of the negative internal dialogue we all subject ourselves to. People in this community can provide such great support, but the support always seems to go outward–to other people, and it is time fore us to start sending some of that support inward.

This can take lots of different forms, so get creative. Here are some ideas I have thought of if you are unsure of where to start:

  • Confront a specific lie that you tell yourself and write about it. Write about why you tell yourself this lie and why it isn’t true. Then replace it with something else–something encouraging, kind, and maybe even flattering.
  • Write yourself an encouraging letter or comment and post it on your blog.
  • Draw/paint/doodle a kind truth about yourself and put it up where you will see it. It could be as simple as one word. Post a picture of it.
  • Take some time where you pamper yourself and surround yourself with things that make you happy. Do this for no other reason than the fact that you deserve it, and then tell us about it. 
  • Write a post where you tell us all something awesome about you. Don’t be modest, brag on yourself.

I’m looking forward to seeing some of the kindness tomorrow, and on Fridays to come! Also, since I have started writing about hubby’s Crohn’s disease, I seem to have acquired a new group of followers, and I encourage you all to participate as well. A lot of my posts are directed to the IF/loss community, but I know that those suffering from a painful and frustrating disease like Crohn’s could use some kindness as well!

6 Comments »

Lies I Tell Myself

Over the past month or two, our small group at church has been studying James. A few weeks ago, we talked about James 3 and the tongue. We talked about the devastating power that our tongues have and how this power for evil includes not only the words we speak, but also our internal dialogue. This discussion made me much more aware of the things I tell myself, and I’ve begun to realize how hurtful some of those lies are. Here are some of the lies I tell myself about my fertility:

  • I hit the jackpot with my husband, and I used up all of my life blessings with him. He is so wonderful that I don’t deserve any more blessings. 
  • I somehow jinxed myself earlier in life by claiming that I didn’t want children. It wasn’t until I experienced some serious emotional healing and self discovery that I found my deep desire and calling to be a mother, but it was too late.
  • I’ve had a lot of hard stuff happen in my life, and I’ve begun to believe that is just the way it will always be for me–as soon as I recover from one life disaster, another will follow in its stead. That’s just the way my life will always be, and it can never change.
  • I always imagine my womb as an angry, hostile, barren place. In my mind’s eye, it’s grey and dusty and full of cobwebs, and it is a hateful place that rejects life.
  • I did something to cause my losses. Whether it was from a physical shortcoming or from being a person who doesn’t deserve children, those losses are my fault.

I’m working very hard now to change the language I use when I speak to myself. I’m learning to be kind to myself and not place blame where it does not belong. And when I am to blame, I am learning to treat myself with grace, understanding that we are all broken, and if my God can forgive me, I can forgive myself. I’m also learning to trust hope. This can be so hard to do–as a friend of mine said, hope is heavy because it is an anchor.

I think that all of us could benefit from this. We have  to change our internal dialogue. We have to stop beating ourselves up. We have to stop prophesying disaster over ourselves. We have to start treating ourselves with grace. If we can’t do it for ourselves, we have to do it for our future children. I challenge each of you–pay attention to your internal dialogue over the next week, and make it a point to be kind. All of those wonderful, encouraging things you post on each other’s walls? Say those to yourself, and see what a difference it makes.

4 Comments »

Bit of Earth Farm

Raising plants and animals in simple partnership with nature.

Laura Grace Weldon

Free Range Learning, Creative Living, Gentle Encouragement, Big Questions, Poetry, Occasional Drollery

A Woman Like That

...I have been her kind.

Our Egg, Her Nest?

My journey to Motherhood through gestational surrogacy

Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm...

Stepping Stones

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm...

Sabine Daily

This WordPress.com site is the bee's knees

My Perfect Breakdown

-- Surviving. Living. Hoping. -- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & Adoption

THE RIVER WALK

Daily Thoughts and Meditations as we journey together with our Lord.

Recurrently Lost

My honest account of life with recurrent pregnancy loss

Caring for Crohn's & UC

Caring for a loved one with Crohn's Disease & Ulcerative Colitis

my german life:

an american girl in hamburg

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm...

Stories of a Son

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm...

Eighteenyears's Blog

Just another WordPress.com site

IBDaily

The tales of a girl with unruly guts.

SocialJerk

Because writing about social work can be funny, too! (Sorry Precious)

No Air Radio

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm...

Growing Globe

"I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness." - Carl Sandburg

lamenting the lentil

unexplained infertility, twin pregnancy, and me

tales from the waiting room

Just another IF blog

The Moon on a Stick

Infertility and all that jazz.

The Stolen Colon | Living beautifully with an ostomy

Stephanie Hughes | This blog is my way of connecting with the world about living with an ostomy and Crohn's disease.