Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

Game Plan

First, I want to sincerely thank you all for the encouraging comments you left on yesterday’s post. I’ve been feeling a little down and discouraged, and your comments lifted me right up. I love this community so much.

As I mentioned in my last post, we are going to resume TTC on my next cycle, hoping beyond hope that we can conceive and I can have a viable pregnancy without going to see a specialist. I’m currently on CD20 of my third cycle after my last mc.  Usually, this means that I will be ovulating soon and should be expecting my period in about two weeks, but I had a LOT of EWCM on Monday, so who knows? I honestly haven’t been paying close attention to my cycles lately, and I only noticed my cervical mucus on Monday because there was just so much of it. I guess we won’t really know until my period starts because I’m not temping. For now, I am going to start working on getting my body ready again by taking my prenatals (I quit after my last mc), eating healthy, and maybe even exercising. I figure I have about 4-5 weeks before I ovulate and it’s baby-making time, so I might as well start now.

Some of you may be wondering what we are going to do if this plan doesn’t work. Hubby and I have talked quite a bit about that, and we have made the decision to start the adoption process if we can’t get pregnant again or the next pregnancy isn’t viable. Hubby finishes fire academy in April, so that is the “cut off date” that will determine whether or not we are moving on to adoption. One of my coworkers just completed an adoption this year, and he said he would love to have us over for dinner to talk to us about the process. They adopted through the foster care system, which does not cost anything (actually, after the tax rebate, they will make about $12,000 from it), and we would be doing the same thing. I know it’s a little unorthodox to skip the specialist and go straight to adoption, but we are ready to be parents. Honestly, we are interested in adoption whether we can have biological kids or not, and this way, we can go can go ahead and become parents while we are figuring out the IF stuff. I was a little surprised at how easy the decision was for us, and we are both 100% percent on board. Yes, we both want biological children, but the real desire of our hearts right now is to have a child to love and raise. This decision also means that we will be parents in the next year or so, no matter what my body decides to do, and we are super pumped about that. Super. Pumped. I know it will probably be a long, drawn-out, and difficult process, but hey, why should it be any different than the rest of our baby journey?

Alright, I’m going to continue leaving little previews of future posts for you because it motivates me to keep writing and it helps me break down the very large amount of stuff I want to tell all of you. Plus, I like to think it leaves you hungry for more. So be on the lookout for posts about hubby, sexy time, and the reactions I have received when telling others about our adoption plan.

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A Confession (and a little math)

Remember how I said hubby and I weren’t going to TTC this month? And I was at peace with that?

Well, on Friday I noticed some EWCM, and that evening I got a positive OPK. Why is this significant? First, any woman who has dealt with fertility issues knows how hard it is to know that you are ovulating and not do anything about it–especially when you are going to try a new drug once you get back on the TTC wagon. So that little smiley face on my OPK was awfully tempting, but it wasn’t just tempting, it was also a little disconcerting. Why? Before my first mc, my cycles were 32 days long with ovulation on day 21, so they were already a little longer than the average cycle. Longer cycles=longer to wait and less opportunities per year to get pregnant. Four days doesn’t seem like a long time, but in a year’s time, a 32 day cycle means that I will have almost two full cycles fewer a year than a woman with the average 28 day cycles. And my cycles seem to be getting longer after my mc’s. My first cycle after my mc’s was 38 days long. When I ovulated this weekend, I was on day 25. This means  instead of being a few days away from my next cycle like a “normal” woman, I was two weeks from my next cycle. So at the rate I’m going, I still have five or six weeks that I have to wait before I ovulate again. Once I realized this, all of that calm and zen just went out the window. Seriously.

We were planning on waiting two cycles to TTC again, but when you do the math, two average cycles would be 56 days. With my crazy long cycles, it has already been 61 days. So even if we haven’t waited two cycles, we have waited the average length of two cycles. The main reasons we were waiting (allowing my iron counts to go back up to normal, giving us some time to emotionally deal with our loss, etc.) depend on time not cycles, so I feel satisfied that this was a long enough wait. So here is my confession: we have officially tried this cycle. We had a fun weekend trying to make a little baby, and I started my progesterone supplements last night. Now I’m crossing my fingers and hoping, hoping, hoping that this is our month, but I’m also trying to stay realistic. Statistically, we have a 25% chance of conceiving when we are doing everything right. So now that I’m trying the progesterone, we have a 1 in 4 chance of conceiving, assuming that there is nothing else wrong. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: how the heck do women get pregnant by accident?!?!?!

So there you have it. We are officially in our TWW (what? more waiting?). Everyone keep your fingers crossed and say a little prayer for hubby and me.

-Danielle

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How I Made Charting Work for Me

Today I’m going to tell you about my experience with charting. After we had been TTC for four or five months, I discovered Taking Charge of Your Fertility, the bible of fertility and charting. Almost every woman who has had difficulty TTC has read this book and put it into practice in some way or another. The author goes into the details of checking your  basal body temperature, cervical mucus, cervical position, how soft/firm your cervix is, etc. All of this information is converted into a chart that reveals quite a bit about your cycles and ovulation. When I read this book, I felt like my eyes had been opened–of course I hadn’t gotten pregnant! I was convinced that once I started charting, I would have no problems getting pregnant, and even if I didn’t get pregnant immediately, it would reveal what was wrong so that I could fix it and get pregnant. So I downloaded FemCalLite on my iPhone, and I started keeping up with everything.

After two or three cycles, however, I realized that my obsessive personality is not very compatible with charting–especially temping. In order to get an accurate BBT (basal body temperature), you have to take your temperature at the same time every morning; it has to be the moment you wake up, and you must get at least four solid hours of sleep before you take your temperature. I found that I was becoming so obsessed with my temperature that I was not sleeping well at all, and I woke multiple times a night, which caused my temps to be inaccurate. It was actually getting to the point where it was completely stressing me out and my temps weren’t very accurate. So I had to stop temping. I still check my cervical mucus because that has basically been a perfect indicator of my ovulation. How do I know that my CM is a perfect indicator? I use an OPK every cycle when I have EWCM, and it has always been positive. By checking my CM every month while still using an OPK, I have the peace of mind of knowing that we are definitely trying at the correct time, but I don’t waste a ton of money on OPKS by using one every day for a whole cycle. I bought the Clear Blue digital OPK because they are individually wrapped while other OPKS are all in one wrapper, causing them all to expire within 30 days of opening the package. The Clear Blue digitals cost a little more, but they are easy to read and because of the individual wrapping, I made one 30 pack last 6+ cycles.

At this point, I’m basically using a very abbreviated system of charting where I make note of the day my period starts and the days I have EWCM and postive OPKs. This way I know when I ovulated, how long my cycles are, and approximately how long my luteal phase is. I feel weird saying this system works well for me because I’m still not pregnant, but it works well for me in the sense that I’m aware of my cycles and it fits my lifestyle.

Have you tried charting? Have you had to adjust the system at all to fit your personality or lifestyle? What works for you?

-Danielle

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