Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

Boring

Today was our second appointment with our midwife, Debi. So I guess I’ll finally tell you about our midwife hunt and our plan for this birth:

When I found out I was pregnant in April, we decided that we did not want to give birth at the local birthing center anymore. The center is wonderful, and the women who work there are very sweet and professional, but we were going to that center when I had each of my losses, and just walking in the door makes me sick to my stomach now. That is not the atmosphere I want to be surrounded with when I give birth. So hubby and I decided to plan a homebirth. We live less than two miles from a hospital, and I already have a relationship with a high risk ob if we become high risk for whatever reason. Plus, I’ve always wanted a homebirth, so we’re going for it.

I called the birth center for the names and numbers of homebirth midwives in our area and they gave me contact info for two women in our town and one in a neighboring town. The two in our town were a little flaky about returning my calls, which made me a little uncomfortable, but Debi was wonderful on the phone and also at both of our appointments. Because she lives and works in a neighboring town, we have to drive an hour and fifteen minutes to our appointments, which is annoying but completely worth it. I just hope that the universe has forgotten about us for while and will let us have an uneventful pregnancy and birth.

Speaking of uneventful, the exact word that Debi used about me today was boring. She said my pregnancy is boring and that was music to my ears. After all we’ve been through, boring is the best possible thing I could think of to hear from her. Let’s hope we stay that way.

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The Red Dress

Back in October hubby and I went to the wedding of two good friends. When I was pregnant with Tup, I remember happily thinking that I would be wearing a maternity dress and sporting a large bump at their wedding, but that obviously didn’t happen. Then, two weeks before the wedding, Molly died. I felt like the whole world was against me, and that my life would be nothing but death and loss. Needless to say, I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. So I dealt with it by going out and buying a sexy red dress for the wedding. If I couldn’t be large and pregnant, I was going to be super hot. We had a wonderful time at the wedding, and I felt beautiful and thankful to spend time with my fun husband. We drank and danced and laughed and for a small moment, I was so happy and I thought that maybe we would be ok.

The wedding photographers took this great photo of me dancing with my hubby

The wedding photographers took this great photo of me dancing with my hubby

Saturday we went to another wedding. I seem to have “popped” over the week, and when I pulled out my red dress, it looked perfect on my little baby bump. I happily wore it to the wedding–looking noticeably pregnant. And the dress still made me feel beautiful and sexy (and multiple people told me how hot I looked).

It’s amazing how much has changed in the months since that last wedding. This dress signified for me just how far we have come–where we were and how blessed we are to be where we are. I will never forget the pain of our losses. And I will never stop being grateful for this miracle–even in the midst of daily headaches and weekly migraines.

Here is the red dress, showing off my 17 week bump:

17 weeks pregnant

Sorry for the dirty mirror bathroom selfie

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