Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

How “Normal” Pregnant Women Blow My Mind

on June 7, 2014

So I have this friend who is due with her first child in September. I hadn’t seen her since she got pregnant, and I finally got to see her the other day. I naturally asked her how far along she was, and she smiled and said 25 and a half weeks. I smiled really big and exclaimed, “Yay! You’ve passed viability. That’s so exciting!” At this point she looked confused and I got a solid “Huh?” So I explained that 24 weeks is considered the point of viability, and she smiled, shrugged her shoulders, and said something along the lines of, “Oh, cool.”

I keep forgetting how different pregnancy is for those who haven’t experienced IF/loss. Even though we are all aware that it is in no way a guarantee, 24 is a bit of a sacred number here in our little corner of blogland, and it blew my mind to encounter someone who had no idea and really no interest. She’s just chugging along–happy and naive.

This is in no way a critique of my friend. It just reminded me (once again) how different pregnancy is for us than it is for others. I have another friend who is due within a week of me, and we were talking last Sunday at a wedding shower. She asked me who all we had told about the little one, and I said that we had told our families and a few close friends. Then I told her that she and her hubby were the only ones in the room that knew. She was floored. She had been telling people for weeks, and her husband (a pastor) had even mentioned it in one of his sermons. She asked me how I had the self control to keep that secret, and I honestly wanted to ask her how she had the confidence to tell everyone. This is her second child, and she had no complications with her first pregnancy or labor, so she has no idea what it feels like to have to tell people that you are no longer pregnant.

I told hubby yesterday that I really wish that we could be looking forward to Monday with nothing but excitement with a “normal” dose of nerves. I want to view our scan as another opportunity to see the little one instead of just a confirmation that our baby is still alive. I want to not care about stuff like viability or telling people. Like I said before, RPL brain is some strong stuff.

I’m finding myself falling into the same pattern I’ve watched other bloggers fall into: “At (insert milestone here), I will stop worrying so much and enjoy this pregnancy.” But things haven’t really changed at those milestones, and I wonder if they will on Monday. The truth is, I’m actually doing really well. I’m keeping my anxiety down to a dull roar, and I’ve have a generally good feeling about this whole pregnancy. But that makes me wonder just what it would be like if I didn’t  have the RPL brain–just how much more excited and positive would I be?

2 more sleeps.

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6 responses to “How “Normal” Pregnant Women Blow My Mind

  1. ewagner123 says:

    I’m looking forward to hearing about your appointment. And yes, those without RPL (or any losses at all or difficulty getting pregnant) just don’t get it whereas I was always tracking ovulation and counting weeks and listening to HB on doppler. Good luck!!

  2. clwalchevill says:

    Honestly, I really never got to a point where I was able to completely relax with my pregnancy. Part of it was due to the anxiety that it could all be gone tomorrow, but the other part was that I also was very aware how me being pregnant could be hard for others. All that said, there is something about hitting the viability milestone. I allowed myself to dream a bit more about what was to come and embraced my babies a bit more.

    Hang in there.

  3. Theresa says:

    what she said above!

  4. Wow – so true. I haven’t gotten to the other side yet, so to speak, but I have had those convos and it’s surreal. They’re thinking about cribs, I’m thinking about crib death :-/ still, I always think there’s something I take for granted that someone else struggles with (can’t imagine what that is? The ability to eat my body weight in cheese – no, not that cuz if that was it, it would be the ability to eat my body weight in cheese and not gain weight…. So yeah, I got nothing…..) still tho – viva the fertiles. We can kinda need em to effortless pop babies for the sake if the human race :-/

  5. storkchaser says:

    OMG! Sorry I’m so late to the party. Uuuugh it would be so nice to live in blissful ignorance. Sorry you had to be reminded that we’re a little different. I can’t wait for the update! Good luck!

  6. Rachel says:

    Hi! Having been through a somewhat similar situation I kept waiting for that relaxed, confident day to come… and it has, a little…. a few months AFTER my daughter was born. I spent my whole pregnancy trying to keep my anxiety under control and then once she was born it just moved to a whole new set of fears. The little sleep I got was filled with nightmares. I’d even hallucinate when I’d wake up at night, and for a moment, in the darkness (–ish, there was always a small lamp on because turning off the lights seemed unimaginable) I’d see her bassinet turned over (it wasn’t) or milk coming out her nose (it wasn’t)… and then one day I decided I couldn’t keep going through every day being afraid something bad was going to happen to my sweet, tiny, innocent baby. So I let go of my fear… a little. And things were okay, so I let go a little more, and things were okay. She’s still small and I still battle my fears, but I know she’s going to be okay now and I regret that I spent her whole first year afraid. I regret that I never carelessly reveled in my pregnancy- because it will be my only one. Hopefully you won’t be the wreck I was, but let go the best you can. You won’t regret it.

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