Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

Our First Two Scans

on May 31, 2014

Our first appointment was at a high risk Ob at 6wks 2 days. At this point I had experienced some nausea and I had no spotting. I feel like the spotting part is important because I have spotted with every other pregnancy. When we went in to the ultrasound, I knew exactly what to look for. This was my third 6wk ultrasound and I immediately watched for a heartbeat. And it was there. Baby was measuring 6wks 1 day. All of my other ultrasounds have measured behind by a week or so. The heartbeat was 113 and they assured me that the heart had only started beating the day before so anything over 100 was great. Then we met with a genetic counselor who told us how great everything looked. She went through each previous pregnancy with us and even asked me if I had any weird gut feelings about what happened. I know we each have them–you had sex right before the miscarriage or you took your pills a few hours after you usually do, etc. She then suggested that I take fish oil because it acts as a natural blood thinner and I’m allergic to aspirin, and she went over possible next steps. She talked about more tests we could possibly run if this pregnancy doesn’t work out as well as all of our testing options for this pregnancy. She smiled the whole time and talked about how everything looked great–taking great care to address any little thing that might worry me as a RPLer (such as the baby measuring one day behind, which I logically know is ok but the assurance was still nice).

Then we had the longest two weeks of my life. The nausea worsened and the spotting never came. When we returned at 8wks 2 days, I fully expected to hear bad news. I expected them to say that the baby hadn’t grown and the heartbeat had stopped. When she started the ultrasound, I was confused because I had never seen an 8wk baby on the ultrasound before. It looked so different from our last appointment. She told us that is was measuring right on time with a heartbeat of 173, and she gushed about how great everything looked. I would like to say that we immediately started celebrating/cheering/crying, but we literally just stared at her. We kept asking, “Really?” We were not prepared for good news and had no idea how to process it. The doctor came in, told us that everything looked perfect and told us to come back in four weeks for an NT scan. He also told us to go ahead and move to regular care because we don’t need a high risk Ob, but many offices don’t have the capabilities for an NT scan so we were welcome to come back there for our scan.

I’m still in shock. We both are. When we’ve told family or close friends, they have erupted into celebration and are so excited, but it still hasn’t quite sunk in for us yet. We are excited, and we’re making tentative plans, but after continual losses, it is so bizarre for things to go right. I literally feel like I am reprogramming my brain right now because it is no longer programmed for things going right. I keep telling myself that it will be easier after the next scan, but I think I will probably struggle with this feeling the whole pregnancy because the pain and scars of loss don’t just leave you. They are part of you. And you know what? That’s ok. That’s part of my story–it’s not my whole story but it is part of my story. Remembering what we lost makes this so much more precious, even if our joy is no longer blind.

9 more sleeps.

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2 responses to “Our First Two Scans

  1. An another RPLer (I think I just made up that word?), I am desperately hoping for you and that little baby!!

  2. It’s so bizarre being pregnant after miscarriages and/or infertility. I’m 27 weeks and very happy but I still can’t quite believe we’ll get an actual baby at the end of this! Praying for you that everything continues to go well.

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