Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

If

on December 16, 2013

I came to a realization the other day.

We’re stuck in “if.”

I feel like everything I say starts with “if.” If hubby gets this fire job… If I get pregnant… If we successfully adopt… If we somehow manage to be parents… If I decide to continue and get my PhD… If I get into a PhD program…

I say it all the time.

I used to write about feeling stuck. I felt like we weren’t going anywhere, that the world was moving forward without us. I felt like time kept passing and we were in the same place, like we weren’t growing and our lives were just on pause. But then I got into school, and hubby got his new job and is in a hiring process at a great department and we made the decision that we are definitely going to move on to adoption (as soon as we have the money…). There is some definite forward motion in our life. But now, instead of feeling stuck, I feel like we are moving forward into some great unknown. I have no idea what our life is going to look like in a year–I only know that it won’t look exactly like this.

I’m trying to take comfort from that, but it is pretty scary.

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2 responses to “If

  1. Wait…did I understand it correctly that your husband got the job??? Or were you talking about the one he currently has?? (Agh I hope I’m right!!)

    I know what you mean about ifs. It’s hard striking a balance between hoping for the future and living in the present.

    A year is a long time, though — you’re right! And wherever it leads you, it will be someplace new. That’s why I like looking back through my blog from time to time and seeing what I was doing this time last year. It’s pretty amazing sometimes realizing all that can happen when you feel stuck.

    I wish you lots of forward motion this next year. :)

    • Hubby had a job that he really hated and he got a new one this summer. It’s not a fire job, and he doesn’t love it, but it was better than the one he had. Now we’re just waiting for him to get a call for an interview at this fire department. Trust me, you will know if he gets that job–I will be singing from the rooftops.

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