Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

Autopsy Results

on November 2, 2013

I hate that I was gone for so long only to come back with such sad news, but I knew that this community was the only one that could truly understand how painful it was to lose Molly. We got her autopsy results this week and learned that she had a genetic heart defect that would have caused an arrhythmia. She had fibrosis in her heart, and she most likely died of a heart attack while she was sleeping. The vet assured us that there was no way we could have known that she was sick and even if we did know, there was nothing we could have done. She is actually the second pup in her litter that has died suddenly, and I told the woman who gave her to us, so she can tell the others who adopted pups from the litter.

In some ways, Molly’s results were a huge relief. We now know that no one hurt her, and that it is safe to leave Jack Jack outside. Also, it’s a relief to know that we could not have known or done anything. I went over that morning in my head more times than I can count, trying to see if there was some sign that she was sick, something we should have noticed. But there was nothing. She was her usual self–a happy crazy pup. Now we can move past worrying and wondering and just grieve the loss of our pup baby.

Last week I was talking to a good friend who is dealing with some heavy stuff right now. We hadn’t talked in a long time, so neither of us was really aware of all of the tough stuff the other has been going through. At one point, I just looked at him and asked, “Is this what it’s like to be an adult?” I feel really old. I feel tired and I feel like my heart is so heavy from carrying my losses. Is that what adulthood is? Adding to the weight of your heart?

I’m going to try to start posting again. Hubby is in the hiring process with our local fire service, and if he gets the job, we are going to start the paperwork for foster care adoption. And I don’t think I could go through that process without all of you. Plus, I’m getting a little overwhelmed without my outlet–I need you ladies.


9 responses to “Autopsy Results

  1. Annie says:

    I’m so sorry about your sweet pup :( We have been going through a nightmare with a puppy we got for my grandparents; we’ve been told she has congenital kidney problems. Pets really are part of the family, and it’s a true loss that you have to grieve when one passes away. I’m really glad to hear that you are planning to start writing a little more. I’ve missed your posts. Fingers crossed your hubby gets the job!

  2. SM says:

    Oh, sweetie. I hope your sorrows turn into joys soon and lift some weight from your heart. You deserve so much happiness. I’m looking forward to reading from you again!

  3. Everything you have just articulated, I have felt/am feeling right now. I am sorry for your loss but glad you have a definitive answer. We have weather so many storms that our rainbows have just gotta be massive, they have to be right? xxx

  4. Sarah says:

    Big hugs to you, dear! It’s so hard when a family member dies, even the furry ones…and knowing there is nothing you could do is hard but somewhat of a relief. Still sad that it happened, but hopefully good for some closure to know what it was that went wrong. Bless her poor little heart.

    Praying for you in this tough season of being an adult. I hope your hubby gets the job!

  5. Caroline says:

    I am so sorry but so glad you were able to get answers. Foster care adoption sounds like a great opportunity!

  6. Thanks for sharing, I was wondering what happened to her, too.

    We’re thinking of foster care adoption, too but we have so many reservations still…. GL.

  7. I’m so sorry about puppy. xoxo

  8. steph50 says:

    I’m glad you can get some sort of closure in the loss of your dear puppy. Can’t wait to hear more about your adoption plans! Xox

  9. nonsequiturchica says:

    So sorry to hear about Molly- hopefully the rest of the pups don’t have the same problem!

    Foster care adoption- that’s so exciting!!

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