Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

Things Fall Apart

on May 14, 2013

Today is not a good day.

I’ll start with hubby. Things are not going well with hubby. Dr. GI weaned him off the steroids because it is extremely unhealthy to be on steroids long term, and he has been getting consistently worse since then. Yesterday, he had a fever (100.5 after drinking water), which is a huge red flag for someone with Crohn’s because it could suggest an abscess or an infection. Also, hubby is on Hum.ira, so if the fever is some sort of virus and not related to his Crohn’s, it’s still a big deal. He’s going to see Dr. GI today (actually, he should be in his appointment right now and I’m stuck at work), and I’m really not seeing a good, nonsurgical outcome to this.

In pregnancy land, I’ve been spotting. I’ve tried not to get too worried about it because it was very light, it was brown, there was no cramping, lots of women spot and then have normal pregnancies, blah, blah, blah. This morning, I woke up and felt good about it because of all of the aforementioned reasons and the fact that it had almost stopped completely when I went to bed last night. Then I went pee and wiped only to see bright red. It’s been brown ever since that moment but my positive, trusting attitude is diminishing at a rapid rate, and I’m starting to believe that my body is failing me once again. Please don’t tell me about your mother’s cousin’s best friend who had spotting and everything turned out fine. I know those stories. I also know that I’ve had three early miscarriages and every one of them started like this. I feel like I need to ask for more prayer, but I can’t even bring myself to do it right now.

About a week ago I was talking to hubby about all of the unknowns in our life, and he said something along the lines of “Just watch, everything good is going to happen at once. We’ll see the heartbeat, I’ll get a call saying I got the fire job, and you’ll find out you got the assistantship all around the same time. It will be so awesome we won’t even know what to do.” Instead it looks like things might just all fall apart at the same time. But let’s be honest here, that’s my life.

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10 responses to “Things Fall Apart

  1. I’ll be praying for you in California!

  2. Belle says:

    Oh sweetie, I could have written this myself back in June 2012. Seriously, all the way down to employment uncertainty and immune problems. I know I can’t guarantee you a good outcome, nor will sharing positive hope stories help, but I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers. When do you see the OB? Lots of love coming at you. xoxo

  3. Arwen Rose says:

    I’m so sorry. Thinking of you.

  4. steph50 says:

    Thinking of you!! I’m sending all the positive energy I can gather to you and your husband. Xoxo

  5. hopingonhope says:

    Praying for you. Praying for your hubby as well, hoping everything turns out ok with you both. Take care.

  6. ewagner123 says:

    I am praying that everything is alright with you and the baby. Hugs.

  7. tazdream says:

    Sending strength and more sticky baby dust xo

  8. SM says:

    Oh, sweetie. I’m so sorry. I’ve got my fingers crossed for you and I’m sending love your way.

  9. Kristin says:

    Sending lots of positive vibes for a sticky bean!! And a healthy husband!!

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