Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

What a Difference a Year Makes

on May 3, 2013

Almost a year ago (it will be a year on Tuesday) I woke up full of excitement and apprehension. I went into the bathroom and peed on a stick, and a few minutes later, I saw my first positive pregnancy test. I immediately ran into the bedroom and told hubby. There was so much joy, excitement, and laughter. We immediately called our families and celebrated the fact that our 9 month long journey of trying to get pregnant was over and we were finally going to be parents. As you all know, that joy ended in blood, pain, and sadness only a few days later.

A lot has happened in the year since that first BFP. A lot of terrible things: miscarriages, Crohn’s, and feelings of hopelessness. Also a lot of wonderful things: growth, a new support system, and love.

Tuesday morning I woke up with a sense of peace and certainty. I went into the bathroom and peed on a stick, and a few minutes later, I saw a faint second line. I continued my normal morning routine and told hubby right before I left. We exchanged a knowing look and a shy smile and then left to go to work as usual. Needless to say, it was a much different experience from my first BFP.

Tuesday was 11 DPO, and I got a squinter on my DG cheapy. I tested again yesterday on another DG test and got a much darker line. So far, this whole experience has been so different from my other three pregnancies. With the exception of a few moments where panic started to bubble up, I’ve been calm. I’ve also been positive, removing the word “if” from my vocabulary. Only a week ago, I prayed so earnestly for God to grant me some peace and to calm the storm inside of me, and my prayers have been answered ten-fold. I honestly believe this will be our take-home baby–our miracle child that will show the world that God can bring beauty from ashes and grant a child to a couple who had all but given up. I am hanging on to faith, hope, and love and trusting that they will get us through the next eight months. I am trusting God to protect this child. I am trusting this child to fight for life. In an expression of self kindness, I am trusting my body to nurture this child. And I’m not ending this with a statement about how I reserve the right to change my mind and freak out–when my trust runs out, I will pray for more and it will be given to me.

Instead of super excited phone calls to family, hubby and I spent the last two days asking close friends to be in prayer. We covet the prayers of those who love us, and I consider this community to be included in that group. Please, be in prayer for us and our child. Please pray for life.


22 responses to “What a Difference a Year Makes

  1. Congratulations! Are you going in for a beta soon?

    • Nope. No betas. I’m sticking to my BFP plan and waiting until I’m far enough for a heartbeat. My last pregnancy showed me that a beta won’t keep my baby alive and actually only stressed me out more. The only way I’ll go in earlier than that is if they make me come in before they’ll refill my prometrium which will run out at the end of next week. We’ll see. I’m going to call on Monday because they are closed Fridays.
      Also, thanks for the congrats :o) Sometimes I figure that this can be a time for celebration–instead I feel like I’m gearing up for battle!

  2. hopingonhope says:

    Oh dear this is wonderful :) i am definitely praying for you..

  3. April says:

    This is the calmest, coolest announcement I’ve ever read. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you on your journey of whens instead of ifs. *hugs* Congrats!

  4. SM says:

    Congrats! I did the no betas, no early ultrasound, normal pregnant woman thing this time. It’s tough to stick to but it’s worth it. I’ve got everything crossed for you!

  5. steph50 says:

    Thinking of you and crossing fingers!! Congrats!! Xoxox

  6. Arwen Rose says:

    Oh wow this is amazing. Good luck my dear. Stay strong. It will be ok.

  7. So happy for you! I had the same spence if calm with my current pregnancy. It is so wonderful!

  8. Congratulations! I’m praying for you. x

  9. ewagner123 says:

    I am SO happy to read this. Congratulations and best wishes to my fellow blogger friend. You seem very at peace. I look forward to following your journey…

  10. Amanda says:

    Yay! Congratulations! Praying that this is it and your take hope baby is growing away!

  11. Kate says:

    I don’t know you or hubby but I am praying for you. It is the first selfless prayer I have prayed for a while as I am going through this myself. May God bless you and your husband and may you go on and have your miracle.

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