Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

What a Difference a Year Makes

on May 3, 2013

Almost a year ago (it will be a year on Tuesday) I woke up full of excitement and apprehension. I went into the bathroom and peed on a stick, and a few minutes later, I saw my first positive pregnancy test. I immediately ran into the bedroom and told hubby. There was so much joy, excitement, and laughter. We immediately called our families and celebrated the fact that our 9 month long journey of trying to get pregnant was over and we were finally going to be parents. As you all know, that joy ended in blood, pain, and sadness only a few days later.

A lot has happened in the year since that first BFP. A lot of terrible things: miscarriages, Crohn’s, and feelings of hopelessness. Also a lot of wonderful things: growth, a new support system, and love.

Tuesday morning I woke up with a sense of peace and certainty. I went into the bathroom and peed on a stick, and a few minutes later, I saw a faint second line. I continued my normal morning routine and told hubby right before I left. We exchanged a knowing look and a shy smile and then left to go to work as usual. Needless to say, it was a much different experience from my first BFP.

Tuesday was 11 DPO, and I got a squinter on my DG cheapy. I tested again yesterday on another DG test and got a much darker line. So far, this whole experience has been so different from my other three pregnancies. With the exception of a few moments where panic started to bubble up, I’ve been calm. I’ve also been positive, removing the word “if” from my vocabulary. Only a week ago, I prayed so earnestly for God to grant me some peace and to calm the storm inside of me, and my prayers have been answered ten-fold. I honestly believe this will be our take-home baby–our miracle child that will show the world that God can bring beauty from ashes and grant a child to a couple who had all but given up. I am hanging on to faith, hope, and love and trusting that they will get us through the next eight months. I am trusting God to protect this child. I am trusting this child to fight for life. In an expression of self kindness, I am trusting my body to nurture this child. And I’m not ending this with a statement about how I reserve the right to change my mind and freak out–when my trust runs out, I will pray for more and it will be given to me.

Instead of super excited phone calls to family, hubby and I spent the last two days asking close friends to be in prayer. We covet the prayers of those who love us, and I consider this community to be included in that group. Please, be in prayer for us and our child. Please pray for life.

Advertisements

22 responses to “What a Difference a Year Makes

  1. Congratulations! Are you going in for a beta soon?

    • Nope. No betas. I’m sticking to my BFP plan and waiting until I’m far enough for a heartbeat. My last pregnancy showed me that a beta won’t keep my baby alive and actually only stressed me out more. The only way I’ll go in earlier than that is if they make me come in before they’ll refill my prometrium which will run out at the end of next week. We’ll see. I’m going to call on Monday because they are closed Fridays.
      Also, thanks for the congrats :o) Sometimes I figure that this can be a time for celebration–instead I feel like I’m gearing up for battle!

  2. hopingonhope says:

    Oh dear this is wonderful :) i am definitely praying for you..

  3. April says:

    This is the calmest, coolest announcement I’ve ever read. Our thoughts and prayers will be with you on your journey of whens instead of ifs. *hugs* Congrats!

  4. SM says:

    Congrats! I did the no betas, no early ultrasound, normal pregnant woman thing this time. It’s tough to stick to but it’s worth it. I’ve got everything crossed for you!

  5. steph50 says:

    Thinking of you and crossing fingers!! Congrats!! Xoxox

  6. Arwen Rose says:

    Oh wow this is amazing. Good luck my dear. Stay strong. It will be ok.

  7. So happy for you! I had the same spence if calm with my current pregnancy. It is so wonderful!

  8. Congratulations! I’m praying for you. x

  9. ewagner123 says:

    I am SO happy to read this. Congratulations and best wishes to my fellow blogger friend. You seem very at peace. I look forward to following your journey…

  10. Amanda says:

    Yay! Congratulations! Praying that this is it and your take hope baby is growing away!

  11. Kate says:

    I don’t know you or hubby but I am praying for you. It is the first selfless prayer I have prayed for a while as I am going through this myself. May God bless you and your husband and may you go on and have your miracle.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Bit of Earth Farm

Raising plants and animals in simple partnership with nature.

Laura Grace Weldon

Free Range Learning, Creative Living, Gentle Encouragement, Big Questions, Poetry, Occasional Drollery

A Woman Like That

...I have been her kind.

Our Egg, Her Nest?

My journey to Motherhood through gestational surrogacy

Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm...

Stepping Stones

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm...

Sabine Daily

This WordPress.com site is the bee's knees

My Perfect Breakdown

-- Surviving. Living. Hoping. -- Recurrent Pregnancy Loss & Adoption

THE RIVER WALK

Daily Thoughts and Meditations as we journey together with our Lord.

Recurrently Lost

My honest account of life with recurrent pregnancy loss

Caring for Crohn's & UC

Caring for a loved one with Crohn's Disease & Ulcerative Colitis

my german life:

an american girl in hamburg

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm...

Stories of a Son

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm...

Eighteenyears's Blog

Just another WordPress.com site

IBDaily

The tales of a girl with unruly guts.

SocialJerk

Because writing about social work can be funny, too! (Sorry Precious)

No Air Radio

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm...

Growing Globe

"I am a pal of the world: I came from the wilderness." - Carl Sandburg

lamenting the lentil

unexplained infertility, twin pregnancy, and me

tales from the waiting room

Just another IF blog

The Moon on a Stick

Infertility and all that jazz.

The Stolen Colon | Living beautifully with an ostomy

Stephanie Hughes | This blog is my way of connecting with the world about living with an ostomy and Crohn's disease.

%d bloggers like this: