Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

Perspective

on January 22, 2013

I came to a life-changing realization a few days ago. Ok, maybe that’s an exaggeration, but it was big and important and it has affected  my actions ever since.

As you all know, hubby has been very sickly. He still goes to work because he is stubborn and doesn’t have any paid time off, but he spends almost all of his time at home on the couch in pain. He has also slept in the guest bed for the majority of the past three weeks because he tosses and turns so much from the pain, and he doesn’t want to keep me up. This has resulted in a few things, the biggest one being that I am the only one who is able to do anything around the house. I was always aware of everything that he does to help out, but I guess I never realized just how helpful those things were. Hubby’s sickness has also resulted in a severe lack of intimacy. I don’t just mean sex (although that hasn’t happened in over three weeks), there has been very minimal cuddling and playfulness. As I said before, we haven’t even been sleeping in the same bed (which is a big deal because we are the rare couple that actually cuddles all night).

I’m not sure how many of you have read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. I highly recommend it because it changes the way you see people, especially your spouse. The basic idea of the book is that everyone has his or her own primary love language, which is the way you feel and receive love. The different languages are words of affirmation, receiving gifts, physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. My love language is physical touch. You can ask anyone who knows me in real life, and they can confirm that is definitely my love language. So this has been a hard month for me. Not only am I on my own keeping up with the house and the puppy and all of the meals, I am not receiving affirmation from my husband in the love language that is the most important to me. Add in a few pregnancy announcements, birth announcements, and my due date, and I’ve done a whole lot of feeling sorry for myself.

Now for the good part, my realization. It took me a long time to figure out my husband’s primary love language, but I finally realized about a year ago that his is acts of service. It was hard for me to figure out because he has such a servant’s heart, and he is always so busy taking care of me that I don’t get a lot of opportunities to take care of him. Do you see where I’m going with this? A few days ago, I finally pulled myself out of my pity party and saw this as an opportunity to take care of hubby and serve him and make him feel completely filled up with love.  I spent my day off yesterday cleaning, organizing, and doing laundry, and it no longer felt like a burden that I had to take on all by myself. Every moment I spent working around the house felt like an act of love towards my husband, and instead of feeling bitter and resentful, I felt thankful for the opportunity.

It’s all about perspective. How can you change yours?

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5 responses to “Perspective

  1. LOVE the Five Love Languages!

  2. Amanda says:

    This is a great post. It’s often so hard to love on your spouse when you don’t feel love from him. It’s often hard for me to remember to love on him in HIS love language and not MINE. But this is exactly the right response. You’re right, it is all about the perspective.

  3. hopingonhope says:

    Love this post, and I gotta get this book to read..
    Wishing your husband a speedy recovery.

  4. Love this book!!! Way to go! What an incredible opportunity to love your husband and great perspective in tough times!!!

  5. Hope your husband feels better soon. Perspective is a funny thing, sometimes it takes certain events for you to have that “Ah ha” moment.

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