Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

New Year

on December 31, 2012

This time of year always makes me reflective.

I remember at the end of 2010, my mom and sister were both saying how glad they were that the year was ending because 2010 sucked so much, and I actually got a little upset with them. Yes, 2010 was a hard year for my family because both of my grandparents died that year, but it was also a good year. It was the year I graduated from college, married the love of my life, and started my first job out of college. It was the year hubby and I moved into the little apartment we built together, adopted our little kitty Gaia, and joined our church. 2010 was a big year for me, and I was a little hurt that they overlooked all of that to only see the negative and the loss. I think part of it may be that I was the most accepting of my grandfather’s death, and I was apparently the only one who was expecting it. My grandfather was so heartbroken after my grandmother died, and I hated to see him that way. He was a shell. I was so sad when he died, but I took comfort in his death, too, because I knew he was where he belonged–with my grandmother. I insisted on pointing out the good to my family, and I was a little sad to see the year pass after I had spent so much time looking forward to it.

WeddingAfter five years together, 2010 was the year I finally married the love of my life.

Gaia2010 was also the year this beautiful, snuggly girl entered our lives

2011 was another big year for us. Hubby quit his job and followed his dream to be an auto mechanic, and I got my first full-time job. Hubby also joined his volunteer fire department and found another passion to follow. We bought a house, made some very close friends, and started trying to expand our family. At the end of the year, I had a lot to think about and a lot to be thankful for. I did have a nagging sadness because I hadn’t gotten pregnant yet, but it had only been four months, and I had high hopes for the future.

Now that another year has passed, I’m trying to look back without bitterness in my heart. 2012 brought three miscarriages, multiple friendships lost, a new atmosphere at my job that makes me hate going to work, and an unfortunate turn of events that eventually led to us leaving our church. I keep thinking about how glad I am to be rid of 2012, and how much I am looking forward to the clean slate of 2013. I also keep thinking about 2010. I keep thinking about how my mom and sister only saw the loss and couldn’t see all of the wonderful things that had happened that year, and I’m trying to see the good things. In 2013, we adopted little Miss Molly, I found this community, we made new friendships with good people who won’t treat us with the hate that our old “friends” treated us with, we found a new church that we are slowly finding our place in, and hubby has come a long way in his fire training. It really doesn’t feel like much. It really doesn’t make me feel better about all of the sadness that we have endured this year, but I’m working very hard to look into 2013 with hope and not look back on 2012 with anger and despair.

MollyOne good thing that happened to us in 2012. I love her little Batman collar–it has a seatbelt buckle.
How did that tiny puppy grow so fast?

What about you? How do you feel about 2012 and the new year that is rapidly approaching?

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3 responses to “New Year

  1. So I have never responded to your post before but this one speaks to me soo much and I just couldn’t help myself. My husband and I have been TTC for a year now and I too went through a miscarriage about a month ago. This was the first time we had ever gotten pregnant and were beyond excited about our baby only to have it ripped away from us just a week later. I can’t help but think how glad I am to have this year gone. It has been filled with heartbreak and frustration over and over each and every month. I keep trying to make myself not think these things and realize all we have been blessed with (buying our first house,new car, new puppy, another nephew, awesome job) but the thoughts of heartbreak over not conceiving and losing our first pregnancy haunt me. I can’t help but think “I sure hope 2013 is waaayyy better!” Lol!!! praying all of us struggling TTC get our sweet bundle of joys this coming year!! :)

    Aimee

  2. Amanda says:

    you sound a lot like me, 2010 was AWESOME! I married my husband after 5 freaking years of dating, Sam started PT school, I got a full time job, and we brought home our first puppy. 2011 was less awesome, but I could still see some good in the year. 2012, well, I’m struggling with this one. I know there was good, I know I have so much to be thankful for, I know that I am blessed, but I can’t say that I’m not happy to see this year go.

    Hopeful for 2013!

  3. storkchaser says:

    Your year was so rough and I’m so sorry you went through it. I know 2013 will be better. It HAS to be! Hugs

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