Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

Hubby and Sexy Time

on December 5, 2012

Alright ladies, it is time for my much overdue post updating you all on hubby and sexy time. I hope it’s worth your wait ;o)

The first few days after hubby opened up about how much our losses have affected him were a little awkward. I’ve posted before that the one thing hubby and I tend to be really good at is communication because we spent almost five years in a long distance relationship before we got married where we talked all the time on the phone or on Skype, so this awkwardness was fairly new territory for us. After hubby confessed how much he has been hurt by this journey, I tried very hard not to freak out and show just how distraught this made me because I was afraid he would stop talking to me about it after seeing how much it would upset me, but I also wanted to foster conversation and make sure that this new openness would stay. Needless to say, we had quite a few conversations after that where we were both very wary–he was fearing a wifey meltdown and I was fearing another hubby shutdown. That being said, things have gotten much better and our journey through IF and loss has finally become a regular two-way conversation. I remember the exact moment when I knew that we had crossed a very large bridge: I have no recollection of how we got on the subject, but hubby cracked a joke about how he is sure that fertile men have small penises and that must be his problem–his penis is too big. I almost died laughing and told him that he’s starting to sound like a bitter infertile and he said “Oh, you have no idea just how bitter.” This was really the first time that we have freely talked and joked about all of this while still acknowledging our feelings about it. I can say with complete honesty that I have had more healing from this shift in our conversations and our relationship than from anything else.

Sexy time has been a slower road. After hubby told me why he was avoiding sex, I removed all pressure and didn’t bring it up again–leaving it up to him to make the first move. He did eventually make that move, and we have slowly shifted from having sex maybe once a month with me being the only initiator to having sex a few times a month with fairly equal initiation. It is serious progress. I’m still hesitant about making the first move, and I immediately back off at the first sign of disinterest, but we have definitely come a long way. I do have a confession to make, though. Sexy time is difficult enough for us right now without the added stress and annoyance of condoms, so we have been contraceptive free this cycle. So six months of prevention turned into three months of prevention and then turned into two months of prevention and one months of NTNP. Honestly, I think the preventative measures were making the sexy time problems even worse, and I truly hope we don’t have to go back to them any time soon. Do I secretly hope that I “accidentally” got pregnant this month? You betcha. Do I secretly hope that I didn’t get pregnant this cycle because it would be so stressful and with my track record I would be mourning another loss at Christmas? Yeah, that too.

We still plan on going to counseling, but it just hasn’t happened yet. Between hubby having fire academy until 10pm twice a week and training another night of the week, me frantically studying for the GRE that I am taking next Thursday, a Christmas party every week until Christmas, hubby’s fire department being in three different Christmas parades, and us taking the time to make our usual batches of fudge for Christmas presents, we haven’t had a lot of free time. As soon as the new year starts, we will go talk to a counselor about all of this. I promise.


5 responses to “Hubby and Sexy Time

  1. Jenn says:

    I am so happy to hear that sexy time is improving. Slow and steady wins the race :)

  2. steph50 says:

    You guys are obviously a very strong couple. Losses do terrible damage to intimacy… I totally understand! xo

  3. ewagner123 says:

    Yay for sexy time! Keep it up girl. Your DH sounds amazing. Love the big penis comment. Good luck taking the GRE!!! I think I’m going to take it next year… depends on which grad program I go with. A few say you don’t have to take it – sweet.

  4. Theresa says:

    Glad you guys are making some progress – IF can sure mess with, well everything.

  5. Arwen Rose says:

    Great that the communication has opened up again and good progress on the sex, little steps are still steps!

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