Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

The Wonderful and the Stupid

on November 29, 2012

I’m going to start by saying that nothing seems to elevate my mood and calm me down like jazz music, and I am so happy that it is finally late enough in the year for me to play jazzy Christmas music at my desk at work :o)

In my last two posts, I told you about our current TTC plan and our adoption back up plan, and today I want to tell you about some of the reactions we have received from the few people we have told about our plan to adopt if we don’t get a viable pregnancy before April. I feel like this community is really good at complaining about the stupid things people say, so I really want to start on a positive note and tell you about the absolutely wonderful¬†reaction we have received.

Hubby and I are friends with a wonderful couple that we absolutely love spending time with. For the purposes of this blog, I’ll call her Buttercup because we like to watch The Princess Bride together. Buttercup and her hubby have been married for about a year and a half and have been NTNP for most of their marriage, but she has problems with her thyroid and her hormone levels so there is a good chance that they will encounter problems whenever they do start TTC. Despite the fact that they are not in the same place as us, Buttercup is the most understanding person that I have spoken to about our journey, and she is my biggest source of strength and encouragement outside of this online community and hubby. She is actually the first person who told me that adoption through the foster care system is free, and when I told her our plan, she cried out of joy that we will become parents one way or another. Then she told me that they want to take the mandatory PATH (Parents As Tender Healers) class with us so they can become foster parents in the near future. Their friendship has honestly been a bigger blessing than I could ever ask for, and I find it very comforting to know that, if we do move on to adoption, they will be there with us :o)

The most common reaction we have received is the “once you adopt you are going to get pregnant” reaction, and while it gets old, it doesn’t really bother me that much. I usually just smile and say that means we will have two babies and my heart might just explode because I’ll be so happy. One thing that does bother me is when they take it one step further and say the reason we’ll get pregnant after adoption is because we’ll “just relax and stop trying.” I really don’t need to explain to this community why I find this so infuriating, but it especially upsets me because it isn’t even relevant to us. Our problem is not that we are too stressed to conceive or that we are trying too hard to conceive. Our problem is that our baby dies only a few weeks after conception. But, who knows, maybe if we adopt and relax, that will stop happening. Ugh. People are stupid.

Anyone else out there talking about the possibility of adoption? How have people reacted to that?

I still have to tell you all about hubby and sexy time, so keep an eye on your newsfeed ;o)

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4 responses to “The Wonderful and the Stupid

  1. Belle says:

    You know, it was not until VERY recently that the Professor and I started to casually toss out the idea of adoption as an alternative. Initially when we started this journey my doctors were SO CERTAIN I had lupus that I thought adopting would be extremely hard – many countries will not adopt to mothers with chronic conditions. The battle we would have to wage would be that much harder. Lately, though, as we endure more and more infertility treatments adoption is sounding less daunting and more comforting. We have agreed that if this Chicken does not make it, then we will have one more hail Mary IVF and then move on and look at building our family in other ways. We also talk about WHEN the Chicken arrives beginning to look at adoption as a way to give him or her a sibling. These conversations are a BIG step for us, but one that excites me. Adoption is nothing to be taking lightly, nor is it for every couple, but when the right time and the right couple arise amazing things can happen. I’m so excited to see where your journey takes you and how, if you proceed, navigate the foster to adopt route!

    • I saw what you did there. I know it is so hard to embrace this pregnancy and replace IF with WHEN, and I am so proud of you.

      I do have to agree that adoption does sound comforting. It definitely takes pressure off knowing that one way or another, we will be parents in the next year or so, and I also like the idea of a mix of biological and adopted children.

  2. Lacy J says:

    My husband and I ended up getting pregnant shortly after starting the process to become foster parents with the hopes of eventual adoption. So many people reacted with shock and disapproval when we told them that we would continue with our foster to adopt plan even after conceiving. Much like you, we simply responded that we were excited for our family to be growing so fast. We finished our licensing a few months ago, and so far we have had a few short term respite placements, but are still waiting on a long term foster placement. What I can tell you is that, even seven+ months pregnant, we feel so good and so sure about both means of growing our family, and there is not a naysayer in the world who can change that! Kiddos are an awesome gift regardless of where they come from. Good luck to you and the family adventure you are on regardless of where it takes you!

    • Thank you so much for those encouraging words! I’m not remotely surprised that people reacted that way when you got pregnant. Another common response from people is that “there are so many kids out there in need of good homes,” but I feel like that is a canned statement and most of those people aren’t actually committed to it. That is why they can’t understand adoption if you have biological children.

      I checked out your blog and honestly cried through many of the posts. I’m looking forward to reading about where your journey takes the two of you :o)

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