Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

In the Meantime…

on September 19, 2012

I’ve noticed a trend on the IF blogs lately: bloggers are deciding to stop putting their lives on hold. You make a decision to TTC and make adjustments in your life to prepare for pregnancy and children, but at what point do you decide to stop making those sacrifices and take your life back? Today I am choosing to take my life back–fertility issues may be able to control my ability to have children, but I will not let it have power over any other part of my life. I am going to choose joy, and I am going to enjoy the time I have now. I decided to come up with a list of things I am going to allow myself to do. Some of these things are ideas I acquired from other bloggers and some of them are purely my own:

  • Buy new clothes: I know this is a common thread with women who are TTC, and it is really two-fold: you don’t buy new clothes because (1)  you are trying to save money and (2) you don’t want to buy clothes and then get pregnant and have a bunch of new clothes that don’t fit you. I needed new jeans a year ago, but I didn’t buy any for the two aforementioned reasons. Now I’m getting a little desperate, and I plan on doing something about that. I plan on buying new clothes this fall season–and not just clothes that would still look good if I get pregnant. I didn’t buy any new clothes last year, so I’ve decided that I get to buy two years’ worth of stuff this year. Because I deserve it.
  • Work on home improvement: We bought our house in September of last year and while I would not call it a “fixer upper,” there are some aspects of it that are a bit dated. We’ve done a little bit of work remodeling one of the bathrooms, but we haven’t really dug into a major project. One reason is that demos can be expensive and babies can be expensive, so we were saving for the latter. Another reason is that we didn’t want to get halfway through a project and find out that I’m pregnant and not nearly as useful and helpful as I was before pregnancy. Now, I’m ready to make our home the place of our dreams. I want to remodel our kitchen.  I want to tile the entrance.  I want to paint the extra bedroom that I’ve been waiting to paint because it will be the nursery and I don’t want to jinx myself. Seriously, whether it turns out to be a nursery or not, it will still be yellow, and we already have the paint, so I don’t know why I keep waiting. No more waiting.
  • Start some serious workouts: When we first started TTC, I was going to Tae Kwon Do three times a week. I earned my second degree black belt and had just passed the test to be a trainee instructor, helping teach the kids classes. There were a lot of reasons why I quit, but one of them was the idea that very strenuous workouts and intense cardio can negatively affect your fertility. I wasn’t getting pregnant, so it was a sacrifice I was willing to make, but I miss it. I miss learning. I miss pushing myself to the limits. I miss fighting. I’m not sure if I will join another school because I haven’t found one that I like close to home (another reason I quit was because the school  was so far from our new home), but I will start training again. I may not have someone to spar with, but I can still work on my technique, my speed, my accuracy, and my strength.
  • Go on vacationFor years I have talked about wanting to go up to Washington DC with hubby because he has never been there. It’s such a neat place to visit, and all of the museums and stuff are free. Plus, I have a lot of family up there that I never see. We just never made definite plans to go up there because we are saving money (are you seeing a trend here?), and we weren’t sure when I would get pregnant and how that would affect the trip. Well, we have made the decision to go up there in the spring when the cherry trees are in bloom–pregnant or not! Beyond that, I want to go back to Europe. My junior year of college, I studied for five months in Germany, and I loved spending time out there. Hubby and I both have a close friend who lives in Manchester, and we want to go out to England to visit him and possibly hop on over to Germany to visit my friends there. We are still hashing out this idea and figuring out how we will save up for it, but I am determined to make it happen!
  • Read lots of books: Is it just me, or do any of you waste a lot of prime reading time researching infertility and miscarriages? I spend so much time trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and how to become and stay pregnant, and at this point, I’ve decided that time can be much better spent. Useless Google searches are going to be replaced with quality literature. I have the heart of a nerd and reading is one of my great passions. Lately, I’ve been letting all of this crap take away one of my passions, and that is just not acceptable anymore. I’ve actually been thinking about starting some sort of IF blog book club where once a month or so we all write a summary/review of a good book we read that month–would anyone be interested in that?

Life is too short. I’m not going to let fertility issues and loss steal years of my life. I’m going to enjoy time with my husband. I’m going to eat and drink whatever I want to eat and drink. I’m going to make plans.  I’m going to seize the freaking day. What about you?

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8 responses to “In the Meantime…

  1. ewagner123 says:

    Good for you!!! I love DC. Have fun there. I love all your ideas.

  2. storkchaser says:

    I’m interested! I’ll post something about this too. :)

    • storkchaser says:

      Oh! And good for you! I’m glad you decided to start LIVING while dealing with this shit. It’s a hard and scary thing at first, but man it is soooo freeing!!!! hugs!

  3. […] Also, Danielle is thinking about starting a book club. Basically where you read whatever you want an write a short summary/review. If you’re interested check out her post here. […]

  4. Thanks for this post. Fertility treatment is such an emotional rollercoaster, I don’t want it to take over my life. Lots of helpful suggestions here! Good for you taking your life back and I hope you enjoy it. :)

  5. I need to get back into working out. I haven’t really been putting it off because of TTC, but I have just been lazy. The more I can work out before IVF the better!

  6. Lya says:

    Hi. I just found your blog via a linkg from storkchaser at Dog Mom Chasing the Stork. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this post! Thanks for sharing!

  7. trufflelove says:

    hi!! your post was great. I TOTALLY agree with you! Life should not be put on hold!!

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