Catching Our Rainbow

Hoping for a rainbow after the storm…

Waiting

I feel like I have so much to say, but when I sit down in front of the computer, it is so overwhelming that I go blank. I guess I’ll start with what I’ve been struggling with the most lately: waiting. I’m sure every couple that has struggled having a baby will agree that there is so much waiting involved, and sometimes it can be downright intolerable. Every cycle is a waiting game. First, you wait for af to end (af=aunt flo, for help with all of the abbreviations, visit this site: http://www.babycenter.com/community-help-abbreviations). Then, you wait to ovulate. Then you wait for your next af. If you are having difficulty getting pregnant, most OBGYNs say you have to wait a year before they will run tests. If you have a mc, you have to wait a certain amount of time before you can start trying again. Some women find out that their babies aren’t growing and have to wait to pass them naturally. If you have multiple mc’s, most OBGYNs say you have to wait until you have three mc’s before they will run tests.

Like I said, there is a lot of waiting.

I am one of the most impatient people I know. Seriously. There is quite possibly nothing I hate more than being forced to wait. In May 2011, hubby and I decided to try to start a family, which was a big deal because I never wanted children. I was never one of those girls who dreamed of getting married and having children, and while all the other girls were cooing over babies, I was cringing. I honestly cannot tell you what changed my mind, but my baby clock went off and I knew that I wanted to be a mother. But we had to wait. We didn’t have health insurance and couldn’t start TTC until I found a full time job, and once I did, we had to wait for the insurance to kick in. Then we started trying in August of 2011, and after 9 months of impatient waiting that only ended in disappointment, I finally got that positive test in May. But then I had two mc’s in a row, and we are preventing for two cycles before we can try again.

So that’s where we are now. I just started my second cycle post mc, so we are waiting for my next af so we can start trying again. It is so frustrating to wait when I feel like I’ve been waiting forever, and I might possibly have to solution to our baby problem. I have a lot of hope that the progesterone will help, but I’m trusting my midwife (more about the wonderful midwife who prescribed me the progesterone in a later post, I promise) and waiting those two cycles so that my body can heal. To be completely honest, I am a little relieved that the pressure is off for a couple of months–my heart just can’t take more disappointment right now, and for two months, I don’t have to worry about negative HPTs or possible losses.

Did any of you struggle with waiting when you were TTC? I’ve heard some women say waiting to ovulate is worse than the 2ww–do you agree? Have you had to take time off from TTC at any point?

-Danielle

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Our Newest Family Member

So what do you do when you are sad and frustrated because it is almost August, which will mark a year since you started trying to have a baby? You get a puppy. Everyone, meet Molly:

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Molly is a Australian Shepherd and Labrador mix that we are getting from a woman I work with. We won’t get to take her home for a few more weeks because she is only 4 weeks old, but I can’t wait until she is ours. I’m really looking forward to training her, having a buddy to walk with, and a puppy to snuggle. Hubby didn’t even put up a fight–he immediately agreed and said that he thought it would be good for me. I know she will be a lot of work, but I could really use the distraction. I know it won’t get rid of that need to love and raise a baby, but it might help curb it a little until we get everything figured out. Then, once we have a baby, he or she will have a friend to play with–every kid needs a dog. I can’t begin to tell you how excited I am :)

I know I promised in my first post to give some background information about our journey, and I’m planning on telling a little bit of our story at the end of each post. So now that I’ve told you all about Molly, let me tell you about our first appointment. After we had tried a few months, I read Taking Charge of Your Fertility and started charting my cervical mucus and basal temperature. I noticed that my average temperature was fairly low (about 96.3) and that my luteal phase was only about nine days long. I could also tell from my charting that hubby and I were definitely having sex at the right time when I was ovulating, but I wasn’t getting pregnant. So I made an appointment with my OBGYN in February where I showed him my charts and told him I thought I had a progesterone problem. He smiled at me and told me that they don’t do any fertility testing until a couple has been trying for a year. He suggested that I buy some OPKs and come back in six months. It was so frustrating–I felt like he didn’t hear a single thing I said. I just knew there was something wrong with me and if my OBGYN wouldn’t take me seriously, I honestly believed I couldn’t get pregnant until after he saw me again in August.

Has anyone else had the frustrating experience of an OBGYN that just wouldn’t listen? Or have you been told that you can’t have any testing until you have been trying for a year? Is anyone else guilty of getting a new pet to help you deal with fertility problems or a loss?

-Danielle

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Welcome!

Welcome to Catching our Rainbow!

My name is Danielle, and almost a year ago, my husband and I entered the world of “Trying to Conceive.” We both thought this would be a fairly easy process—all you have to do is have sex, right? That’s how it happened for our best friends: they decided to have a baby, they started trying, in less than a month they had a positive pregnancy test, she was pregnant for nine months with no complications, she gave birth, and now they have a beautiful 4 ½ month old son. I think this gave us some unrealistic expectations about fertility and conception. I thought we would get pregnant immediately, and my best friend and I would be pregnant together. Unfortunately, that is not how our story goes. We tried to get pregnant for nine months, and when I finally saw that positive test, I had a miscarriage. Then I had another miscarriage. It has now been almost a year, and we still do not have a child. Our next step is to start trying again with the help of progesterone supplements.

I decided to start this blog to have a place to share my story, possibly connect with some women who have been in my shoes, and also to have a safe place to vent. Topics like infertility and miscarriages make people uncomfortable, so it isn’t always easy to find someone to talk to. Even when you have supportive friends who will listen, you reach a point where you feel like you’ve bothered them enough—I don’t want to be the woman who is always upset or complaining. I also wanted to start this blog to bring some more awareness to infertility and miscarriages because they are both so much more common than people seem to realize. I can’t tell you have many people I’ve talked to who had trouble getting pregnant or had a miscarriage. So I created this blog: Catching Our Rainbow.  For those who don’t know, a baby that is born after a miscarriage is called a rainbow baby, so we are currently trying to catch our rainbow.

Over time, I will try to write some entries that tell more about what we have been through up to this point: doctor appointments, my miscarriages, people’s reactions to what we are going through, etc. I will also try to keep everyone up to date on what is going on now and our progress.

-Danielle

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